Our married life has started less than two months ago. We are living together for the bigger part of a year. Boy, what a journey…
There is so much cultural detail embedded in each life milestone along the way, and going through one definitely takes a surrealistic air.
So many things to process, all at once, at a pace that is mildly upsetting at best…
The engagement is the first of many mindset changes – this is it, it’s happening now – acknowledging and embracing that your life is going to change is quite the experience.
I remember getting my cushion cut, Charles and Colvard moissanite engagement ring. Love this piece of jewelry. It was becoming more of a symbol as the date was getting closer.
Looking back now, I realize how excited I was about the wedding. Little did I know that the good stuff were about to come later. That you build it up out of blocks of change, self-improvement, and rearranging priorities.
When I was growing up, I remember, engagements and weddings were magical. Diamonds and gowns were the rage. From present perspective on the other hand, I focus less on the symbol itself though, but rather on what it stands for.
How I turned the wedding into a life lesson
The wedding was, at least for me, an avalanche of such contradictions. It is hard to be present in the here-and-now when you obsess over what seems to be trivial detail.
The line between your childish preferences and your current day reasoning progressively blurs.
Much more so when you are constantly looking up to others for approval.
If you allow social convention to largely dictate the terms under which you begin your married life, celebrate your birthday, or raise your child it spreads like a virus. Sober up, and sober up early.
Compromising on our most intimate moments leaves a lot of room for compromising on every other aspect of live.
Getting married means starting a new chapter in life – get it right and set the pace. Alone, the two of you together, paint the picture.
Plan together, plan more often
The cutesy Look-ma-no-hands approach to life is all cool and swell, but when two people start walking the same road, some upfront planning is required.
Running and occupying a household together is like running and occupying a company – every member should know priorities by heart.
When a plan is being set, supporting one another takes less of a guesswork. Individual growth heads in the same direction, and manifests itself into a shared vision of the future.
Remember those dreams you had together about what you were going to do one day into the future? Dream some more, this is not the future, you are still building… they should tell you this when they give you the wedding bands.
Oh, and make sure to set finances straight. Though a small turmoil can benefit your character and strengthen a relationship, it’s better off having your mind occupied with something else.
Focus more on the day-to-day stuff
Two months into a marriage and I turned a preacher. But for those who cannot see the forest from the trees, preach I will.
Here is the manifesto…
Married life can easily become an excuse to turn more lethargic in your relationship. You live together now, under one roof and often mistake “time together” with “quality time together”.
Dates and calls and cute messages should be kept alive. Impress one another and set your standards high. Set up fancy dates on the calendar if need be, passion-proof your relationship.
Small things should be kept alive – write that down.
It happens, as it often does, for people to focus less on improvement once a certain milestone is being achieved.
But if you stay static for a while things begin rolling down the hill. The marriage never meant a secure status quo. No sir. It is only a different environment where growing together takes equal if not bigger importance.
Starting a new chapter doesn’t mean abandoning most of what was happening so far. You are building on top of that, remember.
Oh, and always have spaghetti within an arm’s reach. They cook under 10 minutes – a life saver.